Positive Chaos

i have moved

2007-01-26T18:41:00.000-08:00

http://positivechaos.wordpress.com

Video of Great Grandpa and Silas

2007-01-16T18:20:00.000-08:00

Click on the link below to see an adorable short video clip of my grandfather singing a Russian folk song to Silas.
My mom, the boys and I went to Ohio to visit my Grandparents just after Christmas.
Stay tuned for some cute photos of the boys with their Great Grandparents!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPE1ct-Kx2M
P.S. Excuse my obnoxious laugh:) in this video:)

An interesting twist

2007-01-12T07:04:00.000-08:00

On Thursday evening after the kids were in bed I sat down at the computer with a fresh cup of Mother's tea and began my research. I was determined to find out more about the virus I contracted, coxsackievirus B4.
In the past couple days I would google this virus and get a whole bunch of information that just made no sense to me. Frustrated with not knowing what this virus is and how I could have gotten it i decided to search harder
So last night I goggled it again with just a little different wording and the first site I click I read the following...

Coxsackie B4 virus is a virus which can trigger an autoimmune reaction which results in destruction of the insulin-producing beta cells of the pancreas, which is one of several different etiologies of diabetes mellitus.

"OH MY, I FIGURED IT ALL OUT" I proclaimed
"I'm so cool, I'm so cool" played in my head for several minutes while I i read and reread the above.
As many of you know Eric was diagnosed with Diabetes in Oct of 2004. Considering it did not run in his family and he was not overweight and did not seem to have any of the risk factors for type1 diabetes we ask his doctors how he could have gotten this and they said a VIRUS. We never pursued what virus, as we were not given the option.
So after reading the above last night, I immediately sent an e-mail to my trusty online doc and asked him the following.
1. Is coxsackievirus B4 linked to be a cause of viral onset type1 diabetes?
2. Is coxsackievirus B4 contagious?
Knowing this is not his area of expertise I hoped for the best:)
He replied stating that my findings were correct and that coxsackievirus B4 is INDEED CONTAGIOUS!
I cannot believe it. After thinking that how, when and where I contracted this virus from will always be a mystery, I may have just figured the mystery out all by myself without a day of medical school:)
Now do not get me wrong I am not at all 100% sure this is how I contracted this virus nor am i 100% sure this is how Eric got diabetes, but it sure makes sense to me!
Now this leaves me a little worried that i may still be contagious therefore worried that I may pass it to the boys. I am not supposed to see my infectious diseases doctor for 2 months but I may just need to put a call into him, just to ease my mind a little.

A Rarity

2007-01-11T14:53:00.000-08:00

So it turns out that once again I am a rarity. As many of you know when I was prego with Noah my Hcg levels did not rise as they normally would making the doctor declare a miscarriage and wanted to do a D&C immediately. Since i had a gut feeling I was not miscarrying and had no symptoms of miscarrying I did a little research of my own and discovered that only 15% of women Hcg levels do not rise as they should. So I choose to get a second opinion instead of a D&C and thankfully I did as I fell into that 15% and my fetus was indeed thriving.

So I am now learning that only about 1000-1300 women are diagnosed with postpartum cardiomyapothy each year. When I came home from the hospital I started doing some online research and I found an online support group for women with PPCM. (postpartum cardiomyapothy)
Through this website I met a doctor who's practice is strictly for PPCM issues.
He has informed me that he would like my records to publish my case; because evidence is mounting that a virus like in my case may be the cause or trigger for PPCM. He told me it is very important to document cases such as mine so they can continue to see what exactly causes PPCM.
I am becoming quite passionate about this, as I have heard so many stories of women who died due to post labor complications such as PPCM, and other heart and lung issues. Dr. Fett(the online doc) says that most women have symptoms but ignore them as just part of the normal experience of pregnancy and giving birth. I cannot help but feel that if we educate women on these post birth complications, more women might take their symptoms seriously and be treated.

For the second time I am reminded how "trust your instincts" is really important. I trusted my instincts when they told me I was miscarrying with Noah and because of that I did not have a D&C instead I had my first beautiful baby boy.
I am told that if I would not have acted on my symptoms and gone to the ER when I did, my situation may have been much worse. Now my heart at least has a chance of repairing itself! Prasie God!

Were finally getting somewhere

2007-01-11T08:54:00.000-08:00

I received a call from my Doctor on Tuesday afternoon informing that I have Viral
Myocarditis.
I contracted the coxsackie typeB4 virus. When, where and how will always be a mystery. This virus weakened my heart muscle, making my heart not pump as efficiently as it should. They have still not ruled out postpartum Cardiomyopathy
as they are finding that viral Myocarditis is the trigger for postpartum Cardiomyopathy. This is about all I know right now. I have a doctors appt tomm and will hopefully find out more then!

Just a few of my favorites

2007-01-07T17:43:00.000-08:00

smiley Silas

Never too young to order at the restaurant

Noah and Alexander with Grandma

"OH WOW, OH WOW, OH WOW" says Noah looking at the ornaments from under the tree with our family friend KJ

You know your orthodox if..................

2006-12-26T19:54:00.000-08:00

The following was e-mailed to me today and I just thought it was great and all of you Orthodox readers would appreciate it:)

1. On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat sea food
2. You are more comfortable standing in church than sitting.
3. You can suck/vacuum up the crumbs of bread out of your hand without coughing.
4. You can sing ison to any song (and you know what an ison isÂ LoL).
5. Lent to you means peanut butter, tofu, soy, lots and lots of pita bread and hummus, and services at least five times a week.
6. You're used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
7. On your first encounter with long words, you pronounce them stressing the 'next to the next to last' syllable.
8. You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards when you see him on TV.
9. You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you know you'll be standing a long, long time.
10. To you, a 'topless' gal is one without a headscarf.
11. You get great deals on Easter candy.
12. You spend time figuring out the best way to remove smoke stains from your ceiling and wax from your walls.
13. Before you pray, you say a prayer.
14. You don't flinch when someone throws water at you.
15. When you first tell people who ask what religion you are, at first they think you're Jewish. Oy!
16. You're experienced at removing wax from clothing.
17. The service routinely starts at least 15 minutes late and lasts 2 Â½ hours Â and nobody around you complains.
18. You consider any service two hours or under short/regular.
19. know you're in an Orthodox church when the priest says, "Let us complete our prayer to the Lord", and there's still half an hour to go.
20. At the end of Holy Week, you have rug burns on your forehead.
21. Your Easter isn't Easter without an all-night party (featuring 10 dishes of sausage with cheese).
22. Your priest is married.
23. You have seen all members of clergy in purple robes.
24. You can differentiate between the eight different chanting tones.
25. You typically celebrate a feast day by observing strict fasting.
26. You celebrate feast days the night before.
27. You address the City as Constantinople instead of Istanbul .
28. You can say "Lord have mercy" 40 times without making a mistake.
29. You can say "Christ Is Risen"/"Indeed He Is Risen" in a million languages.
30. You have tournaments of red-egg-cracking on Pascha... And you usually know who's being a wise-guy with the wooden one.
31. You have multiple priests' numbers in your cell phone.
32. You actually read the Bible in your spare time.
33. You've slept overnight in your church for a retreat.
34. You've grown accustomed to the taste of wine because you've had it since you were a baby.
35. Even if you don't speak the language fluently (i.e. Albanian, Greek, Russian, etc.) you could still carry on a decent conversation about food in it.
36. You've been or plan on going to Alaska .
37. You could write a book on the symbolism in an Orthodox wedding... during the wedding... because they are just that long.

an evening with Santa

2006-12-22T09:50:00.000-08:00

Last year we started a tradition of going into the city the week before Christmas to walk around the Kris Kringle market, eat some yummy German food and then head to fields to see Santa.
Well this year I am very annoyed that it is now MACY'S. I was not so thrilled to have the boys see Santa at MACY'S - I want fields back:)
We noticed that Santa was at the market so we decided we will see Santa at the Kris Kringle market instead.
Noah was a little scared at first but then warmed up to him quickly.
Here are some pics from our fun family evening at the Kris Kringle market.

Noah was much happier walking around and splashing in the puddles

More blood work, you have got to be kidding me......

2006-12-21T18:37:00.000-08:00

So i get a call from the lab at the hospital today telling me that the doc "did not like the way my results looked and wants me in asap for more blood work"
What does that mean he does not like the way they look? Why is he not calling me to explain what the hell is going on. It is not easy to load two babies in the car and take them to the hospital. Noah gets so scared watching them poke me with a large needle - i hate bringing them but what else am i supposed to do. Finding a babysitter for an hour is not easy.
I am so frustrated. I just put a page into the doc in hopes he can talk to me in laymens terms.
This is starting to get overwhelming! I JUST WANT ANSWERS.

Frustration

2006-12-13T19:24:00.000-08:00

Ok so I called my infectious disease doctor today to get some info on this virus. I told him what my cardiologists told me and he said " I don't know what she is talking about, I did not see those results"
I was speechless, how can one doctor see one thing and the other see another. SO they are clearly not communicating properly with eachother. My infectious diseases doc only has office hours on Tuesdays from 1.30-3.30 - lovely huh. I can not make it this coming Tuesday and the following Tuesday I will be in Ohio visiting my granparents and so it looks like it will be 2007 before I know what the HELL IS WRONG WITH ME.....HOW FRUSTRATING!

New info on my heart

2006-12-12T17:55:00.001-08:00

I saw my cardiologist today and it looks like this has all by caused by a virus called coxsackieviruses A & B. You may have heard of this virus in children as the hand, foot an mouth disease. They are not sure when I contracted this virus or how I got it. I could have contracted while I was pregnant or after. I am not sure what this means fo me and my future really. I have to wait and talk with my infectious disease doctor since it is more his area of expertise then my cardiologist.
My EF ( the efficiency of my heart) has gone down a little since being home from the hospital. It is now at 45%, it was 50% and normal is above 50%. I need to really take my restrictions seriously now that my hearts efficiency has gone down. It is so hard to let the laundry pile up or wait for Eric to carry it down and up for me and it is even harder to not be active with Noah. I have to stay positive and I am trying. I have to have blood tomm to make sure my tropine level has gone down. Tropine is the enzyme, that was elevated when I went to the ER.
Please keep me in your prayers! Thank you!

Baptized into Christ

2006-12-05T06:41:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Silas Baptism this past Saturday! He was baptized into Christ and into the Orthodox church by his Grandfather, this is so special to me!
It was a great day and Silas did a GREAT JOB! He was held all weekend and he just loved it, so much so that on Monday I had to carry him in the sling all day if I put him down he freaked!
It was a glorious weekend

Our Good friends and Silas GodParents; Randy and Danielle

The waiting game continues

2006-11-28T14:02:00.000-08:00

I saw the infectious disease doc today hoping that I would get some answers.
Instead I found out I have to have more blood work to rule out two virus that could cause viral cardiomyopathy and myocarditis . Viral cardiomyopathy is caused from a virus and pospartum Cardiomyopathy is caused from the birth itself but they are basically the same thing; a weakness in the heart muscle.
I will go tomorrow for the blood work and then see the infectious disease doc on Dec 19 for the results.
I will also have another ultrasound of the heart tomm and hopefully will have the results of that by Friday and then I see the card doc on Dec 12.
So I have to just be patient and wait.
I have to say that I am feeling more and more positive everyday as I am starting to feel better everyday. As long as I do things slow and not try to tackle to much in one day I am ok. It is learning how to do things slow that is the hardest for me right now:)
Hope you are all well:)

Just one of those weekends

2006-11-27T09:42:00.000-08:00

Eric found this cartoon in the New Yorker back in 03 when we were first married, we made a minor adjustment to it and it has been on our fridge ever since.
Well, needless to say it was just one of those weekends for me and i just had to share this because i think it is so funny:)

A little man:)

2006-11-25T04:25:00.000-08:00

Silas is two months 1/2 months old already. As I have said before he is a very particular baby and prefers to be sitting up. The other day Eric and I pulled out the Bumbo seat just to put him in it for a minute. We were amazed by his head and neck control, he is so strong. Eric captured these fabulous moments and I just had to share!
Enjoy:)

My Family

2006-11-19T17:18:00.000-08:00

We had our Friend Todd take this picture of us recently and I just love it and wanted to share it with all of you.

Results are in!

2006-11-18T04:59:00.000-08:00

I received preliminary results of my CT angiogram yesterday and so far so good. My doc says it all looks beautiful and she does not expect to see anything abnormal when she reads the test. So for now it is postpartum cardiomyopathy. This is not a 100% diagnoses but all other conditions have been ruled out.
I have another ultrasound of the heart on Nov 29 until then I just have to be patient!
Thanks again for all your prayers and support!

Coloring time!

2006-11-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

After many attempts of trying to introduce crayons and coloring to Noah it was finally a success! He had so much fun!

A walk in the park with Grandpa

2006-11-10T08:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we went to Aunt Nina's and cousin Alexander's for lunch and my Dad stopped by to say Hi. He took the boys for a nice walk in the fabulous park across the street from their apartment and gave Nina and I a quiet moment for us to just chat - it was so nice!
Thanks Grandpa:)

A sigh of relief

2006-11-07T18:58:00.000-08:00

I saw my cardiologist this evening. It was a great visit. I learned that this is not congenital and it is not a valve problem; all good things:) So, it looks like it is postpartum, meaning the strain from labor weakened my heart.
I have to have a test done asap to make sure that I do not have an aneurysm in my artery.
My blood pressure is good and my body is taking very well to the new meds. I am retaining a bit of fluid but nothing alarming at this point; no wonder my shoes felt tight:)
So I have to have the a test performed asap and as long as it comes out negative then I am good for a month and then I have another echocardiogram ( ultrasound of the heart) and than see the doc.
My cardiologist is so nice and caring and I feel very comfortable with her and I know she has my best interest in mind.
I left this appointment feeling so optimistic!
Things are going to be just fine!

just a note and a few cute pics

2006-11-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

Thank you to everyone who has called or sent a card or e-mail. I appreciate all your support, concern, love and prayers!
I will post updates on my diagnoses when they become available:)
Now for some cute photos!

"I'm the boss" says Alexander

So big!

Optimism

2006-11-06T04:09:00.000-08:00

It is hard to be optimistic when pessimism keeps knocking it out of the way.
Last Friday I started to feel a pain in my chest near my heart. The best way I could describe the pain is a cramp in my heart. I thought it might just be a pulled muscle so I took Advil and hoped it would go away. This past Tuesday it was so bad I could no longer stand the pain. I called my doc and he told me to go to the ER b/c women that just gave birth can get a Pulmonary embolism which is a blood clot in the lung. I was totally freaked out after that. I called Eric and explained that I have to go to the ER. I was watching my Nephew Alex that day and I called joy to see if she could come and watch all three boys b/c I could not wait any longer. She had something to finish at work and then she was on her way. My bro came to pick up Alex before Joe arrived and so I left.

Driving to the ER I thought to myself everything will be fine; I do not have a blood clot in my lung and I am sure I do not have lung cancer even though I smoked heavily for 10 years. I prayed and said the Jesus pray over and over. I arrived in the ER they took me in right away, took some blood and sent me for a lung scan. After the lung scan the nurse came in to give me some fluids through the IV and said
"One of your blood test came back elevated".
I replied "And"
Nurse: " Well something is wrong with your heart; the norm should be 0.04 and yours was .77"
"Me: "My Heart"?
Nurse: " yes sweetie your heart".
At that moment my life flashed before me. I was fully expecting something to be wrong with my lungs, a small mass from smoking for 10 years and b/c they caught it early and this is 2006 they would fix it and I would be fine.
MY HEART though!
So I was admitted cardiac unit Tuesday evening, missing Noah’s second Halloween and Silas First.
It was very depressing being surrounded by dying old people who were moaning and groaning in pain or comments from the medical staff like “oh you are so young” or “oh you’re the one I heard about with the 6 week old baby and 18 month old at home”.

After many tests and days of lying in the hospital bed away from my children and husband they diagnosed me with cardiomyopathy. When the doc first told me this, the first thing that went through my mind was the movie beaches and death and I instantly began crying.
Cardiomyopathy is a potential serious disease in which the heart muscle becomes inflamed and doesn't work as well as it should. It may be due to labor or cogentail it will be a matter of time before I know forsure.

How could I have potentially fatal illness why me? I said the Jesus pray and told myself to be strong and that I will be ok.
On Saturday evening I spent the night at my parents b/c Eric had to work late and I did not want to be alone. My mom took both boys to church with here that night and I laid on the couch crying, afraid to close my eyes for fear they would never open again.
I took the attitude that I had to be optimistic for Eric, Noah, Silas and myself. So I went to bed that night confident I would be just fine and live to see my boys graduate college.
The next morning I went to church feeling very tired,warn out and dizzy but confident.
I was sitting with joy and Silas in the church hall when a man from the church who is a fertility specialties came up to me and said
“How are you feeling"?
"Ok, just tired" I replied
He replied, "Well the last death at the hospital was a cardiomyopathy case and a young person too"
Just as I was trying to be optimistic, pessimism knocked me down. I wanted to punch this man, was he kidding, you do not say something like that to someone. He is a fertility specialist not an ER doc what is he talking about "last death at the hospital” It is a hospital people die every minute. What an idiot.
Needless to say all day Sunday my life flashed before me.
"Savor every minute with Noah and Silas, love Eric and the boys to the fullest b/c who knows how long you have" this is what I thought to myself.
When it was time for bed I was scared but I said the Jesus pray and went to bed with confidence.

Don't cry little brother

2006-10-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

Silas was on his playmate and started to cry Noah ran over, sat down in front of him and started talking really loud with much expression. Here is my translation of what he was thinking and saying to his little bro:) It was so funny and fabulously adorable. I need to get in the habit of keeping the video camera handy, this would have made a great video:)

"Don't cry little Brother; here let me take off your sock maybe or hot"

"Ok that did not work; here let me read you your book"

My Boys

2006-10-24T09:48:00.000-07:00

Silas is one month old already; I can not believe it.
He is a good baby, however he is very VERY particular. Eric and I finally figured out what he likes and that is sitting up; He wants to see the world. He has amazing head and neck control for a one month old.

I am so grateful for both Noah and Silas!

Noah is my miracle baby; as many of you know my doc declared a miscarriage and wanted to do a D&C at 7 weeks, instead of the D&C I opted for a second opinion and on the day I would have had a D&C his heartbeat was detected - Praise God! Noah is my joy and special to me because he gave me the gift of motherhood and has taught me patience and humility.
Silas is my Joy and special to me b/c he has made me an even better mother and has taught me even more patience and humility!

I love my boys to death ( all three of them:)
I can not imagine my days without them!

Pumpkins, pumpkins and more pumpkins

2006-10-22T04:50:00.000-07:00

A trip to the pumpkin patch on a beautiful fall day

Noah was way to into the pumpkins to cooperate for a family picture

Wow, this is the biggest ball ever, and their everywhere

Silas and I

The next three pics are my favorite! They are of Noah about 1 minute after leaving the pumpkin patch. Looks like someone had a great time:)

The End!

Transition

2006-10-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

For Noahs' morning nap today I decided to try and put him in his toddler bed. We are not planning on buying a second crib and hope that by the time Silas is ready for the crib Noah will be adjusted to the toddler bed. I had planned on getting him used to it while I was still prego but selfishly I did not b/c when napped I needed to nap.
So today I was feeling brave, I took everything off the bookshelf and placed pillows on the floor next to the bed, I sang a song about being a big boy in his big boy bed and then put him in the bed and snuggled him up.
I left the room and for about 5mins I heard him running around, then all of a sudden it was silent. I waited a couple minutes before peeking in.

This is what I found after peeking in on the silent room.

I left the room and thought to myself " wow, that was a quick transition"
No sooner did I hear a big bang followed by a heavy cry - I ran in to snuggle my little babe. I think he tried to step out of the bed and slipped on the pillows. Maybe that was not so smart of me to put pillows down on hardwood floors, duh...Its slippery. We will keep trying different things everyday, but at least he will start to get used to it!

Noah has adjusted quite well to having a little brother, he loves him to death and is not too jealous. He is always trying to give Silas his pacie and is constantly giving him kisses. When Silas is in his swing he tries to give him his toys and when he gets no response from Silas he just places it gently in the swing and goes to get a new toy and so on - it is really funny:)

He is such a sweet, good boy and I am so proud of him and how well he is doing:) Silas is so lucky to have such a great big brother:)

I tried the toddler bed again for his afternoon nap........
It was a success

Phat!

2006-10-14T20:02:00.000-07:00

Ok so it was probably not a good idea for me to post a picture of me on my wedding day just three years ago.
"Oh, how skinny I was"!
Yes, I am feeling phat; I prefer to spell it with the PH - It looks and sounds so much better than FAT!
I know I had a baby ONLY 31/2 weeks ago but I feel so much phatter than I did after having Noah and I gained twice as much weight with Noah that with Silas.
"It takes 9 months to put the weight on it takes nine months to take it off", is what someone told me after having Noah - there is some truth to that a statement.
America is obsessed with weight and so I seem to be feeling the pressure to loose the weight. When I look back to my wedding picture I think
"oh what I would give to be that skinny again".
I do not so much care about what others may think of my weight, it is how I feel about myself. I am not comfortable with these extra pounds, physically comfortable not mentally comfortable.
So I ask myself; "am I going to do something about it or just sit on my phat ass and watch my yoga for weight loss tape while eating cookies:)
Starting Monday morning, yoga for weight loss will be playing on my TV, yoga mat out with me on it and the cookies are at the store not in my cabinet.
I know this will be good for me mentally and physically.

Eric, Silas and I on our anniversary - Noah would not cooperate for a picture

Oh how time flies when your having babies:)

2006-10-12T23:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Eric and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary. On Wednesday night Eric said he wanted to get burritos from the local Mexican restaurant for our anniversary dinner - sounded good to me.
He came home on Thursday and I asked him if he was going to get burritos, he said in a minute. He was playing with Noah and holding Silas so I began going through the mail. All of a sudden I hear someone opening our side door and come up the stairs -so I look at Eric and he acts like he hears nothing. So I go into the kitchen near the door to the basement to investigate and in walks my mom. I was so suprised I looked at her with a puzzled look and said
"Hi, what are you doing here"?
Mom - "you are going out to dinner, isn't that nice"?
Me - "oh, who is going out to dinner"
Eric - "You and I, honey"
Me - "oh, wow how nice, and you are watching the boys mom"?
Mom - "yes, now go change so you can get going and have a nice evening out"
I just stared at my mom for like 5 minutes so suprised you would have thought Ty Pennington was at my house.
I WAS TOTALLY SUPRISED!
It is not that Eric never surprises me with nice things; he does or should I say tries:)
For those of you who know me; know I am not one for surprise - it is very hard for anyone to plan a surprise for me as I always find out b/c I a m nosey and impatient:)
That was the best anniversary gift ever - it was so nice to go out for a surprise dinner with just Eric and I.
We had a fabulous dinner and talked all about the last three years and shared our favorite memories- that was fun, corny I know, but fun:)
I feel bad as I was ready to go by 8:30 - having just had a baby 3 weeks ago I could not find the energy in me to stay out later and enjoy the night - plus the boobs were telling me it was time to get home and feed Silas:) being such an great guy Eric understood and we headed home to continue the night with a little champagne!

As I look back on the last three years smiles and tears come pouring out. We have come so far as a couple and have grown so much together in our relationship and faith! I cannot imagine where I would be today without Eric and I am so grateful that God brought us together. I am who I am today because of Eric! God has been by our side these past three years and without our strong faith in him I am not sure we would be living such a privileged life! GOD IS GOOD!
What a fabulous three years it has been and I look forward to 50+ years with him:)

The boys hanging out

2006-10-02T09:58:00.000-07:00

"I don't want to look at the camera"

"Fine i will look at the camera, but i am not taking the bottle out of my mouth"

All the little details

2006-10-01T07:52:00.000-07:00

Ok so many of you have asked about the details of my labor. So here is a quick synopsis of it!

Lets just say it was fast and an all around good experience.
I started to have contractions around 4:30pm Tuesday after a nice morning and a lot of walking at the zoo with Eric and Noah.
After many false contractions I did not get my hopes up until around 8:30pm, I then stared to time them and stuck it out until 11:45pm, when I called my midwife and promised her this was the real thing:)

I then got myself ready and called my friend to come and watch Noah and headed out to the hospital around 1:30am Wednesday morning.

I was only 3cm dilated when I arrived at the hospital so my midwife had me walk the halls. She wanted me to do this for two hours but after 25 mins I could not walk anymore. My contractions were on top of one another and really strong.

My midwife checked me again at 3:45am and I was 5cm - they called for my epidural.
That was the worst part actually - the doc had a hard time putting in the catheter and I had a hard time sitting still as I was having strong, strong contractions. Once I received the epidural though I felt better, but almost immediately after getting the epidural I felt some extreme pressure - time to push is what I thought
My midwife checked me and I was at 8cm and it was only 4:30 So I went from 5cm to 8cm in a half hour. My midwife had said when I was at 5cm, "well juliana I expect a baby by 10am". How funny that within minutes it looked more like I would be having the baby by 7am
My mom and Joy were called and thankfully they made it just in time. I started to push around 5:30am and Silas was born at 6:40am.
It was a piece of cake, despite those ugly contractions, but thank goodness for the epidural.

My first days home with just the boys
Eric went back to work last Wednesday but my mom came around 2:30 so my first "real day" home with just the boys and I was Thursday and much to my surprise it was FABULOUS and Friday was even MORE FABULOUS. It was so much easier than I had ever thought.

Thankful I am blessed with a very sweet, laidback, and independent one and a half year old. NOAH HAS BEEN AWESOME - HE IS SO GOOD - IT MELTS MY HEART!
Silas is really good too - he is very laidback and sleeps well and is nursing just fine!
I have been very good with "letting things go" I am not as anal as I usually am - so that is good! I have only mopped the floors one and fro me that is a big deal:)
Hopefully things will continue to be this easy and only get better:)
Do not get me wrong I have had my hormonal breakdown, crying spell moments but for the most part they have been very limited. They are usually due to lack of sleep. So on that note I am off for a nap:)
Peace

just some pics

2006-09-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

Wide awake:)

Noah is fascinated by his little brother

Noah and daddy talk about baby brother Silas

Noah, Silas and Grandpa

Blissfully happy!

2006-09-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

Well it has been 5 days since I had Silas and things could not be better! It has been a busy five days but a good busy:)
Labor was only 4 hours and really a piece of cake despite a few ugly contractions:) Silas is nursing well thank god (I had lots of trouble with Noah nursing since he was tongue tied)
Getting up at night is much easier the 2nd time around b/c I feel more used to it!
I have not had a day with just Noah, Silas and I yet, that will come on Wednesday so we will see how that goes. I am a bit nervous but Noah is so good and very independent so I think we should be good!
Silas and I are off for a long afternoon snooze:)
See previous post for pics of Silas and Noah

Finally he has arrived!

2006-09-22T22:31:00.000-07:00

Introducing
Silas John Meng
20 September 2006
7 pounds 11oz and 21 inches long

Stay tuned for more:)

and we are off.............

2006-09-19T22:10:00.000-07:00

it is 12.05 am on wednesday and i am waiting for my dear friend nichole to get here to watch Noah and then Eric and i are off to the hospital! My contractions are between 7, 5 and 3 mins apart and so painful! bye for now!

"Don't worry honey, what goes in must come out"

2006-09-18T16:50:00.000-07:00

That is what my midwife said after she checked my cervix today! I love my midwives but that comment was annoying. So needless to say I am only dilated 2cm and 75% effaced. She stripped my membranes today which should help bring on labor in the next few days. Tomorrow is Eric birthday so maybe Silas is just holding out to share his b-day with his daddy! Eric's company gives their employees the day off for their b-days so it would be great if I went into labor tonite or tomm as he will already be home!
I have to admit I did not expect to still be prego at 39.4 weeks. I guess that is b/c Noah was born at 37.6 weeks. I hope I go into natural labor - I was induced with Noah b/c my water broke. I just want to experience natural contrations and labor. Oh well at this point they can induce me - I am so uncomfortable!
I will keep you all posted!

What a BRAVE little boy!

2006-09-12T11:05:00.000-07:00

Noah relaxing after surgery at home with his homemade blanket and pillow from the hospital. A hospital volunteer made this gorgeous blanket and cute pillow - I thought this was so sweet!

Noah had a small surgery this morning - he was tongue-tied. It was so scary to see our little 16 month old being wheeled away in what the hospital calls a crib - it looked more like a metal cage to me! He was so brave with the doctor and 2 nurses wheeling him to the OR - he was just smiling, and waving goodbye at Mommy, Daddy and Grandma as we stood by the door. I could not believe how brave he was - his fabulous Doctor said he did not cry once.
He is recovering well, a little tired and in a little pain, especially since he has an ear infection on top of it all!
I guess it is my hormones but I can not help but cry every time I think about how brave he was - he is such a sweet boy!
I am so glad this is over with and past us. Now Baby Silas can come at anytime:)

Just the three of us

2006-09-05T15:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i woke up and told Eric i wanted to walk all day hoping that i would go into labor. We both wanted to do something fun as a family, one last family trip as just the three of us. So we went out for breakfast and headed for Starved Rock State Park in Utica, IL.

I am being very daring as it was very slippery

"Hey Eric, Maybe if i climb i will go into labor":)

Noah had a great time exploring the rocks and water with daddy

Noah had a fabulous time and we cherished every moment with him.

What a great day it was!

So close but yet so far

2006-08-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

So i went to see my fabulous midwife yesterday. I am 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. This really does not mean much but that it could be anyday now. I am so anxious. I am ready physical but not so much mentally although i do not know if i will ever be ready mentally:)
I am nervous but i know it will all fall into place after the first couple of months.
I probably will not be posting much the next couple of weeks but will update you all on my progress and when i do head off for the hospital.
Peace:)

A sweet moment

2006-08-24T06:16:00.000-07:00

Eric and I have not talked much to Noah about having a baby soon just because he is so little. Of course we say things like, you are going to have a baby brother soon, etc but not much else since he just seems oblivious to it!

So on Monday Noah and I were hanging out in the rocking chair just talking and he was saying mamma, and babba and I said to him "say baby"
much to my surprise he took his finger pointed to my belly and smiled real big. I was shocked - it was the sweetest moment ever.

Now I know he is not a genius or anything, but I was still shocked since I have never pointed to my belly and said baby to him.
All week I have been saying "Noah where is the baby" and no matter what he is doing he stops and runs over to me, points to my belly and smiles - it is just so cute. He is going to get real sick of me saying this to him b/c I just can not get enough of it:)
If I knew how to post video clips I would post a clip of Noah pointing to my belly for you all to witness b/c it is just that cute:)
Any suggestions on how to do this?

A fun day at the zoo:)

2006-08-12T18:46:00.000-07:00

This past Friday Nina and I took the boys to the zoo. It was such a fabulous day with a nice breeze and no Humidity:)

I am trying to do as many fun things as possible with Noah before baby #2 arrives.

It is hard to believe that in just over a month we will have another sweet baby boy in our lives.
I will miss my time with just Noah, but am so excited to meet baby #2 and to see Noah interact with his baby Brother!

Update on cleaning day: I DID IT; the house is spotless, babies laundry is done and put away and I even managed to get in a good nap - it feel so good - Yay for me:)

Just a bit uncomfortable & a little freaked out

2006-08-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

I have not posted in weeks due to being just a bit uncomfortable these days. I am not due until September 22 but I am so ready to have little Silas or Jonah or Jonas - still not sure what we will name him but those are the top three - we will just have to ask Noah what he likes:)

I am starting to freak out a little bit. For those of you who know me know that I have become quite anal about my house being clean and in order. I guess this is mainly because I am home all day and messes make me crazy - I can not think straight when the house is a mess.

Over the past few weeks I have not been able to keep up my house work as I am pooped and it is so hard to bend over and the two boys in the house just mess it up soon after it is cleaned, before I was prego no biggie I just kept up with their messes; not so much anymore.

I am now realizing I will not be able to be such a neat freak with a newborn and 17 month old running around - so I am trying to learn now what it will be like come a few weeks.

I am starting to freak out about being a mother of two, while I always wanted a house full of kids close in age and know I have it in me; I am getting scared.

How will I handle sleepless nights and attend to Noah and baby ?
How will I get laundry done on time
How will I keep the house clean
How will I make dinner on time
How will I have time for Eric and I
what if baby #2 is colic or sick
Oh boy - I want to cry sometimes - hormones ladies hormones.

Well I know it will all fall into place - thankful I a have huge support system and I know if I put my faith and trust in God everything will be ok.

Any advise you readers may have would be much appreciated.

Today my mom has taken Noah for the day so I can get the boys room ready, baby clothes washed and put away, and clean my house from top to bottom. All I really want to do is take a nap - we will see how much I get done!

I want to Thank My Mom and Dad, my fabulous sister- in-law Nina and my friend Nichole for all there help with Noah over the past few weeks - not sure what i would do without you guys - thanks so much and i love you all so much!

A tribute to me and them:)

2006-07-28T07:34:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday I celebrated my 29th birthday, a very reflective birthday it was I must say.

First of all it was the first year that I did not care so much it was my birthday.
Typically ( for all those who know me can attest to this:) my birthday began a day before the actual day and lasted for one week after, referred to as my "birthday week"
This year I did not anticipate my birthday or really expect anything. Getting older I would say is the reason for this and that is a good thing:)

On my actual birthday I just kept thinking back to just a few years back, living the single life in a cool apartment, in the trendy part of Chicago. (wriglyville)
Specifically my 24th birthday stood out in my mind. That year I had a broken leg and was in a cast and so my "oh so cool neighbor/friend at the time" borrowed a wheelchair from somewhere, decorated it and wheeled me around to all the bars in wriglyville - we received a lot of attention as you can imagine, anyways strangers kept wishing me happy birthday and my response to them (after a couple drinks keep in mind) was
" 6 more years until I am 30 not real exciting but thanks"

On my 24th birthday I was feeling like life was going nowhere and that before I knew it I would be 30 and still living in my "oh so cool apartment in wriglyville and probably still in college.

Wow, how life changed....... And so on my 29th birthday it was so comforting to look at my adorable 15 month old son Noah, my prego belly and my wonderful husband Eric who I love with every fiber of my being. I couldn't help but be proud of myself and so happy at my life and how far I have come!

Ask any of my college friends and they would tell you that they thought I would still be "good ole hippie Juliana bumming around Chicago from job to job or class to class or show to show.

I have myself to thank but there are four people in my life that I have to thank for who I am today.

First is my Father..........He always encouraged me and he never gave up on me. He gave a sermon one Sunday talking about how you can not sit on the couch crying about your life if you are not going out into the world to improve it or to make it what you want! He spoke to me that Sunday in his sermon....Because I felt like my life was going nowhere but I was not really doing anything to make it go somewhere.
So that Sunday I left church headed back to the city and made it appoint to get off my ass and do something with my life. My three goals in mind were to focus on graduating, getting rid of my roommate and meeting that "cute guy from the church in the city" So thank you Dad, love you!

The second person I have to thank for helping me become the person I am today is that "cute guy from the church in the city" Well that cute guy would be Eric , my awesome,beloved Husband. He is am amazing person who saw all my potentials and encouraged me to be a better person! He has put up with a lot of my crap as my parents have and he never gave up on me and continued to challenge me to be the person I am today. I can not thank him enough and and I am so honored and lucky to have him as my Husband. He is not just my Husband but my best friend and I do not know where I would be without him by my side! Thank you Eric. I love you sooooooooo much!

The third is someone I do not talk to often but think about often and that is a college professor and counselor of my mine at Columbia; Patti Mackenzie. I met Patti at a time when I really needed here. She was my speech teacher but also a counselor for those with special needs/learning disabilities. Well anyways she was there for me throughout my time at Columbia and helped me map out my learning difference and ways to overcome them. I can honestly say that if it was not for her I may have never graduated. She taught me so much about myself and gave me the confidence I needed to succeeded in school and life! Thank you Patti - I am forever grateful to you!

And last but not least my lovely Mother. She is the sweetest, most genuine women you will ever meet and she has stood by my side through everything - She is not just my mom but friend. She has taught me a lot but most of all how to be the best mom ever. Thanks Mom , Love ya!

Do not get me wrong I am not perfect and I still have a lot of work to do but I have come along way in just 5 years and it is rather unbelievable to me. I needed to write this post to make it more of a reality to me.

Watch out, I'm on a move:)

2006-07-21T13:18:00.000-07:00

Noah is finally walking!
This milestone has made my life so much easier, especially now that i am as big as a house and can not bend over so easy anymore to pick him up!
It is so nice to be able to put him down and have him walk.
He is everywhere, but that is ok with us - we love it! He is still getting used to walking and so sometime we like to say he looks like a "drunken sailor" :) He is so very proud of himself and so are we!
Noah is developing so fast and eveyday is something new. We are even starting to see the stubborn side to him - wonder who he gets that from:)
His favorite thing to do now is throw his food and say "UH OH" and look at us with a big smile.
Gotta love that Noah:)

Welcome Home!

2006-07-12T17:36:00.000-07:00

My Big Brother and his fabulous wife Nina were married in June 2002 and lived in Poland for one year and then moved to New York where my bro was studying at St Vladimir's Orthodox Theological Seminary.
In March of 2005 they gave birth to Alexander. Less than two months later I had Noah, we were all so excited we both had boys.

This past Christmas they came to visit and the boys were so cute together. When they left I was so sad that they did not live closer and that the boys were not able to grow, play and develop together. My bro only had one semester left at Seminary and even though he had a tentative job lined up in New York, selfishly I prayed that somehow it would fall through or he would be offered something better here in Chicago. This was completely selfish of me and I felt a bit guilty but I just wanted my family to be all together again.
Much to my surprise, my Brother decided to take a position with The Diocese of the Midwest, which meant Joe, Nina and Alexander would be moving back to Chicago in June.
I WAS THRILLED!

Now that they are settled in we have been spending a lot of time together, especially Nina and I since we are both stay-at-home moms. They love playing with each other and have become great pals. It is so fun to have Nina to chat with about motherhood, marriage and just girl stuff:) and so fun to have my brother back to antagonize me and give me all his words of wisdom:)

We have also been spending a lot of time with my parents to and I can not tell you how beautiful it is to watch my parents glow with love and happiness as they play with their grandchildren - they love them so much. It takes everything for me to hold back the tears, especially now with all the pregancy hormones:)

Noah and I spent yesterday and today with them and It was just glorious. As I was driving Nina and Alexander home today, I glanced back at the boys only to find them holding hands - and I am not kidding - at that moment I wished I had a camera phone - it was the sweetest picture ever!
It has been absolutely wonderful to have them back.
I look forward to watching Noah and Alexander grow and develop a friendship together and watching my parents just adore their grandchildren.

So with all that said................

WELCOME HOME JOE, NINA AND ALEXANDER!

I LOVE YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH!

What have I done

2006-07-07T13:43:00.000-07:00

Eric and I both lived in the city for years before we got married and for a year and a half after we were married. The perk of renting a flat in the city is you usually can get free cable. So for years we had cable simply b/c it was free!
When we bought our house we decided to not get cable since it is so expensive and clogs our brains with garbage.
Well, when we had Noah I really wanted it - no more fussing with the antenna to get a clear picture and something to watch during the long 2am feeding would be nice sometimes:) We opted against it. Needless to say we have lived without cable and have been completely fine with it!
A couple of weeks ago I was going through my phone bill and realized they had been charging me for the wrong package for several months. I called to inquire, they were in fact charging me to much. Instead of just saying to me we will credit your next bill the rep at AT&T said
" here is what we can offer you for our mistake, dish network for 1 year at $10.50 a month and free installation"
Me " really, interesting, I will have to think about it, if I choose not to go with the cable you will just credit my bill"?
Rep " of course, but this is a 75% saving, you can't beat that"
Me" ok, thank you, I will get back to you"
I called Eric and ran it past him and he did not seem to into getting cable, Being the frugal man he is, he was liking the bill credit much more.
I decided I would call and just ask for the credit. Life got busy and I never got around to it and so for the past several weeks Eric kept asking "when are we getting cable".
I decided to take the offer.
It was installed yesterday!
WHAT HAVE I DONE!
While it is nice to have TLC, lifetime, etc, I am not sure I like having so many useless channels.
There was something freeing about only having 2,5,7,and 9.
When there was nothing on I would pick up a book or work on Noah's scrapbook or better yet talk a nice walk. Will I continue to do that is my question or will I ALWAYS be able to find something to watch? I do have one rule that I had without cable as well and that is that when Noah and I are playing the TV is not on, so at least I know I will keep to that rule! Time to give up your naps Noah - just kidding:)
So this whole dish network thing is on a 60 day trial!

Tagged

2006-07-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

I have been tagged by my dear friend and fellow blogger Lassie
As usual I am not following the directions b/c I simply do not think I can come up with 7 items for all the questions, but I will do my best:)

7 things I'd like to do before I die:
1.Travel to Ireland and Africa
2. Take a trip with Eric, my children, my parents and my bro and his family to Russia and Poland.
3. Meet my Grandchildren
4. Drive to Alaska with Eric
5. Finish and publish my book Positive Chaos
6. Own my own preschool
7. Open a home for eastern European orphans

7 things I can't do:
1. Whistle
2. Grow long hair - it is too curly and thick, although I am trying
3. Not get choked up when I see someone eating out alone
4. Watch scary movies
5. Grow long nails
6. Not get choked up when I see an elderly person walking with groceries

7 things that attracted me to my husband:
1. His faith - a big one!
2. His Kindness
3. His good looks:)
4. His work ethic
5. His adventurous nature
6. His sense of humor and artistic nature
7. His love for children

7 books (or series of books) that I love:
1. Confessions of a Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella and all other books by her
2. A million little pieces by James frey
3. Ishmael by Daniel Quinn
4. The Paradox of choice: why more is less by Barry Schwartz

7 Movies I'd watch over and over:
1. Hideous Kinky
2. Man in the moon
3. Pretty in pink
4. Sixteen Candles

7 people I'd like to tag:

I am new to the blogging world and so I know only two fellow bloggers. They have both already been tagged so I can not tag anyone yet!
Lassie at http://eggsbenedictarnold.blogspot.com
Carol at http://www.kidding-around.net

Will never complain again:)

2006-07-02T19:06:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a rough couple of weeks with this pregnancy. The heat makes it really hard and with Noah not walking yet it makes things that much harder at times!
While I love being pregnant and am so grateful I was given this gift twice, sometimes it is hard and I just want it to be over. When I have those moments I think about all the people I know that want to be pregnant but can not get pregnant - it breaks my heart and I then feel so guilty for complaining!

Yesterday was one of those difficult days, as I was feeling a lot of pressure and just felt like exploding! So we left church early and I came home and rested all afternoon. Later in the evening we went over to our good friends from church. My friend and I were talking about Pregnancy and the difficult parts. She began to tell me just the story I needed to hear.

She went to Africa on her honeymoon and had the opportunity to visit a women's hospital. She was explaining the poor conditions of the hospital and then began to tell me that most of the women lived 10-20 miles away from the hospital and would start their walk when they went into labor. I thought to myself "their walk". They would walk 10-20 miles in labor to the hospital and most of the time would not make it to the hospital, so they would give birth on the side of the dirt road, clean their baby off with a towel, cut the cord and deliver the placenta themselves and continue their walk to the hospital. Wow, I can not even imagine!

While I have traveled abroad a lot and have been exposed to my different cultures and ways of life, I sometimes get caught up with the comforts and luxuries we have in America that I forget what happens in other parts of the world.
When she was finished I looked at her and said
" I will never complain again"
she replied with
" that is not why I told you"
I assured her I knew that, but it was still the kick in the ass I needed!

Accountability

2006-06-27T06:28:00.000-07:00

I have always been somewhat creative and dabbled in the arts throughout high school and college. I love being creative, but since I have become a mom, I seemed to have lost my creative drive. I guess it does make sense being the mother of a 14 month old and one due in 3 months, I have little time or energy to be creative. This is still not enough of an excuse for me to be ok with, especially since eric bought me a brand new fabulous sewing machine for Christmas. I have not used it once - so it is time to brake it in:)
So, I have decided to also use this blog as a sort of accountability. I can look back and see all the creative things I wanted to accomplish and I have all of you to remember this:)

So the list begins........
1. Come up with a theme for the boys rooms and decorate.
2. Make curtain for the kitchen window
3. Make blanket for our bed
4. Create a painting for the dining room.

Ok I will stop and not get to in over my head. I am not even going to put a deadline on any of this - that way there will be no disappointments:)

A funny note on my family......
Last night Noah and Eric were hanging out and Noah was playing with our home phone. All of a sudden I hear Eric say " the police are coming Noah called 911". No sooner was there a police officer at my door... ( keep in mind Noah was screaming the whole time the officer was here)
Officer " is everything ok"

Me " yes, Officer, I'm sorry my 14 month old son called accidentally"

Officer " ok well, if I can just see an id so I can record this"

Me " Sure"

Me "just curious, what are you recording"

Officer " a false 911 call"

Me " oh"

officer " for every 5 false 911 calls , you will be fined"

Me " oh"

officer " here is your id Ms. Thank you and have a nice evening"

I guess they have to make money somehow

The beginning

2006-06-14T07:10:00.000-07:00

Well after much contemplation I decided to go ahead and create my very own blog. For me it will be an outlet, a place for me to collect my thoughts on mother hood, being a stay at home mom, marriage, and just day to day life.
So here we go......
How did I come up with the title for this blog; Positive chaos?
Well, for those of you who know me well, you know that my life has been filled with many out of the ordinary experiences. Some would call it drama, maybe even unnecessary drama, some would simply call it craziness, I decided to be positive and call it positive Chaos.
For every out of the ordinary experience I have had and have, I have learned something from it and so those ever so chaotic moments in my life have become positive chaos in my life, making me the person I am today.

Warning.... This blog will in no way be grammar correct:)